"Oh shut me up . . . . . Please!"

A friend of mine wrote me in one of her recent Emails.......
Which I readily spotted as one of those tests...which can not be passed, a task with no joy for a successful completion. Very similar, it appears, to a question which should never be answered or even contemplated. One of those, "do these pants make me look fat", test questions that are asked at times...just to keep you on your toes.
How does one shut a woman up? Let me emphatically state that I don't view the "need to shut a woman up" as a universal need applying to any woman. However, given the premise that a particular woman, as in this case, desires shutting up, and in point of fact has requested it, rather emphatically........("Oh shut me up . . . . . Please!")......Well I am confronted with a conundrum on several levels. Is this anything that I would even consider doing? Does this jive with my sensitive guy of the 2000s side? Have I ever been in the presence of a woman that I wished would shut up? Well hell yeah......But, we come again to the notion of circumstantial values, the need of the moment. Are there any moral absolutes? A very difficult question to answer today as much as it was in pre-politically correct times. Can one argue that the ten commandments are moral absolutes, or are they preferred pathways through a wasteland of self promoting early human thugs lost to the control of their bicameral minds. Thinking that their thoughts were, in fact, the voice of God directing their actions. Made more confusing by the apparent redundancy of the human brain, which may have been even more pronounced in ancient times. As the left brain spoke to the right brain, many Greek soldiers in pleated leather skirts, with metal accessories, their loins girded and wearing the latest in laced up open toed footwear...may have had some serious confusion regards their sexual preferences let alone their mental identity and moral values. Men should not display their naked feet in public, you know. But I digress. So, as the left and right sides of the brain agreed upon their respective tasks and humans began to hear one voice in their head they had a need to fuel the voice with the correct guidance. Which means, I guess, that the first ones to figure out that they could actually control the voice legislated the stories (generated religious dogma) it should repeat and morality was born. Now in those times the voice in the head of most men was probably talking about getting laid about 95 % of the time and food about 3 % of the time...etc, etc, so they really didn't have the time to waste listening to other men speaking or asking directions.... let alone converse with, uh, ...I mean listen to women. Talking was not too useful as every man was just listening to that novel new voice in his head. Not much has actually changed today. I mean give or take a few percentage points. So that the actual activity of listening to a voice outside one's head, particularly a woman's voice may actually be distracting men from their most important task which is..... thinking about women..... within the bounds of a narrow context of repetitive behavioral patterns. Most likely genetically encoded by some supreme being with a very unusual sense of humor. Hence those other genetic wonders, male pattern baldness, nose and ear hair, athletes foot.... ((flatulence actually being one genetic trait that men have adapted as a means of non-verbal communication, competition, bonding, and amusement)) ........ I mean just what functions do those things have in the general scheme of things. Life....The Genetic riff, as it were, generated during some divinely inspired jam and reverberating through space that, having not been heard clearly by human males, but striking a resonance with and now embodied by human females cries endlessly to be heard through the voices of women. You just can not shut them up. They are planning the future of the human race....And by God they just have to talk about it.